A Heavy Burden
by litlcapt
Summary: The pips felt heavy on his collar bringing with it a new command.


A Heavy Burden

They were heavy, weighing down his collar to something he was grossly unfamiliar with. Sometimes he wishes to go back to a time when only a pair of wings resided on his uniform and maybe one bar for the rank of lieutenant was pinned to where they now took up residence. That time had long passed, blurring into something of a distant memory. Fingers rubbing at the polished metal the responsibility finally came with that weight.

He was now Admiral William Adama of the colonial fleet, or what was left of it and all its civilians. Admiral Cain was dead passing on all her responsibility to the one man set to retire only days before the attack. He was ready for the recognition but not for the burden that followed. All those years he had worked for this exact position it was just handed over by a trusting friend. It felt as if the weight of all twelve colonies was suddenly thrust upon his shoulders and maybe it was. He was now in charge of the entire fleet of the surviving human race.

Although a major leader in the fleet when he bore the title of commander some part of him always felt he was only commanding the _Galactica _as he always had done. With those two pins all the responsibilities, all the burdens of command, came crashing down. Was it only a few weeks ago when he, Cmdr. Adama, was instrumental in dividing the fleet? Was it only days ago that his command, his very ship and crew were threatened by a woman who claimed to be a leader in the former Colonial Fleet?

With all that had transpired it felt like ages ago. Now, only a day after receiving his promotion in command, Adama stood in his quarters with uniform on prepared to begin his rotation. For the first time he could actually say he was nervous at the thought of walking into CIC. While he respected his crew and knew they reciprocated that same respect a part of him felt as if his recent promotion was only the result of Roslin's fear of Cain. Some part of it was considering her history with a civilian fleet but most of the symbolism that came with those two pins came from hard work and perseverance. Already he had received the necessary honors from his crew. A stiff military salute from Dee and Gaeta, recognition from the pilots….A call to attention from Tyrol. But it was the solid salute Starbuck had given him upon returning to the _Galactica_ that stopped him in his tracks.

No words were exchanged before Kara broke ceremony to return to the deck. But there was a shared respect that he felt flow through them. The rift he feared had formed was nonexistent even if he still could see the uncertainty in the young pilot's eyes. Ever since Kobol she had grown increasingly close to him. Maybe it was after he had collapsed on the deck upon returning from the Kobol, the weight of everything hitting him as his body continued to heal. Maybe it was her experience on Caprica, he didn't know.

Shifting and straightening the pin on his lapel Adama couldn't help but wince as the muscles in his chest pulled. What felt like a lifetime ago was only just recent that he lay fighting for his life after one of his officers put two rounds in his chest. While mostly healed it still ached from pushing himself too far too soon. Only in the confines of his private quarters would he allow his weakness to show. It was just another burden of command, to stand tall and stoic even when one was agonizing inside.

His emotional and physical scars were many, collecting over the years since the first war. Now the pain was all too real residing in his heart as one he secretly held dear was slowly slipping away. Adama knew it was only a short matter of time when he would be the only leader, the true leader that would hopefully lead them to Earth.

In his mind the pins and promotion were just a testament to her rapidly failing health. Her way of passing on a duty she upheld so bravely. A duty that actually scared him considering what it meant. It was a duty that no longer meant surviving but impending death. Impending death of a brave and powerful leader who Adama held in high regard. Actually he laughed at that notion considering it wasn't long ago when he would never 'take orders from a schoolteacher'. Roslin had become so much more to the fleet, so much more to _him_.

The burden weighed heavily on his shoulders dragging him down to his knees. Even with his forty-five years of service Adama suddenly didn't want to fill those shoes. Didn't want to be the eventual replacement to an irreplaceable leader. Tigh's clap on the shoulder, Tyrol's recognition, Dee and Gaeta's military precision, Starbuck's stiff salute made it all that more real. With one last look in the mirror at those shiny newly fashioned pins it was time to face his newfound burden. Time to face what Roslin felt he was ready to command. After all these years it all came to this….a promotion in the face of death.

For it was now that William Adama had to be the Admiral his crew looked up at him to be.

Disclaimer: Battlestar Galactica is property of Ronald D. Moore


End file.
